100 Blonde Jokes!

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

4. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

6. Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

7. Q: Why aren’t blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can’t even keep two calves together!

8. Q: What did the blonde’s right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They’ve never met.

9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!

10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

11. Q: Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She’d just dyed her hair.
A2: She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.

12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

14. Q: What was the blonde psychic’s greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!

15. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they’re on their back.

16. Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of ‘em in a car and they’re fucked.

17. Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

18. Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

19. Q: How do you get a blonde’s eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s writing on the white-out.

22. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

23. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don’t know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get channel 9.

25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

28. Q: Why don’t blondes eat Jello?
A: They can’t figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

29. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

30. Q: Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can’t get their head in the jar.

31. Q: Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
A: They can’t find the zipper.

32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.

34. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

36. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means “Stop, wrong hole.”

37. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

38. Q: Why don’t blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

39. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

40. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

41. Q: Why don’t blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

42. Q: What’s the mating call of the blonde?
A: “I’m *sooo* drunk!”

43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”

44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

45. Q: What’s a brunette’s mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?
A3: “All the blondes have gone home!”

46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST — Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.

48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.

51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

53. Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.

54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”

55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

56. Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

57. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilized.

58. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

59. Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

60. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.

61. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.

62. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

63. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A: Bucket seats.

64. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: “Thanks, Guys!”
A2: “Are you boys all in the same band?”
A3: Do you guys all play for the ?
A4: Who were all those guys?

65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

66. Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she’s been laid all over the country.

67. Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

68. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

69. Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!

70. Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, “Next”.
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He’s had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

71. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: “Thanks for the refill!”

72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde’s ear?
A: Data transfer.

73. Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings?
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.

74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: “‘Debbie’…that’s cute. What did you name the other one ?”

76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don’t know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.

77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: “What’s a lightbulb?”
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!”

78. Q: What’s a blonde’s favourite wine?
A: “Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!”

79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.

80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They’re doing research on black holes.

82. Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.

83. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

84. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it’s mine?

86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: “Are you sure it’s mine?”

87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking
down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth
fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a
smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

97. Q: What’s the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don’t lend the Porsche out to your friend.

99. Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don’t let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

100. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread.

This joke is filed under Blonde.