What To Do With Thanksgiving Leftovers
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Loading ...Part of my friend’s job as a technical writer is to help produce the company newsletter which goes to their clients. He was asked to come up with a list (ala Letterman’s Top Ten List) of funny things one can do with Thanksgiving leftovers. He applied my head-bone to the problem for an hour and we came up with this list.
Seal them in concrete and call it a time capsule. Send it to the Smithsonian with instructions to
open in 2096.
Mix some Elmer’s glue into the mashed potatoes and use as spackle.
Flatten stuffing with rolling pin and bake until hard. Sell to local lumber store as press/compound board.
Stick broccoli and celery sticks in potting soil and display as rare and exotic bonsai.
Liquefy leftovers according to colors. Sell as organic finger paints.
Mix whatever doesn’t sell and repackage as vitamin-rich energy juice.
Carefully separate bones, dry thoroughly. Practice making Indian bone necklaces.
Form mashed potatoes into replicas of ancient urns and vases. Use sweet potatoes for a dash of color and to create authentic aging marks.
Whittle turkey ribs into reusable toothpicks.
Refrigerate and save for when your least favorite relative comes for dinner. Serve a dazzling dinner, and afterwards offer to make a doggie bag for her/him. Stuff the thanksgiving leftovers in the doggie bag instead.
Pile them all on one large platter and sculpt into likenesses of famous performers.
Use as practice ammunition for that all-important Christmas food-fight at your brother’s house.
Freeze in little bags and save for Halloween next year. Hand them out as prizes for “least-tasteful costume” and “oldest trick-or-treater.”
Feed the turkey to your least-favorite neighbor’s dog. Sell gas masks to the neighbors at inflated prices.
Blend all leftovers thoroughly, pour into a plastic garbage bag. Put in a bus station locker. Call FBI with a tip on Jimmi Hoffa’s resting place.
Glue olives, celery sticks, etc. to create clever and whimsical figurines. Sell at local craft fairs as Christmas ornaments.
Estimate dollar value of leftovers and send to IRS as “payment-in-kind” like the fishermen do.
Secretly freeze selected leftovers. When needed, defrost and mix in a little water. Make gagging, hurling noises then display as evidence to your parents that you are too sick to go to school today. Won’t work if your name is Ferris Bueller.
Go for a long walk in forest with brother or sister. Drop little bits of leftovers as you go. When the witch in the candy house tries to cook you, follow your trail back home.
Put leftovers in boxes and wrap with festive holiday paper. Leave on the sidewalk for slow-witted, unsuspecting criminals.
Seal into foil bags and label them “Gourmet K-Rations.” Sell to the U.S. Army.
Place into cylindrical containers and sell to the Army as biological weapons.
Mix with water to make a broth. Serve as “Potluck Surprise” at local church dinner.
Stitch turkey skins together, stuff with sweet potatoes, sell as organically-created hackysacks.