‘bozo’ index
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Loading ...Just in case we need any additional proof that the “bozo index” is at all time highs (and going higher), consider these for-real label instructions on consumer goods:
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On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it’s just a suggestion!)
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert:
(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let’s experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn’t that save more time?)
On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(Or pets! What’s for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I’m curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(Really???)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(I’m glad they cleared that up…)
On a child’s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
