Bubba Claus
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Loading ...As you know, I have been delivering presents to good boys and girls for several centuries, but after bypass surgery last Spring, I feel that I can no longer visit every home on earth in the early hours of Christmas morning.
Accordingly, I have asked a distant cousin on my father’s side if he would assume some of my responsibilities by visiting the homes in the southern USA, as he is from the deep South himself…actually the South Pole. His name is Bubba Claus, and although you may notice a family resemblance, you should be aware of some basic differences between us.
1. Instead of milk and cookies on the fireplace, Bubba prefers and RC Cola and pork rinds.
2. His sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared flying coon-dogs.
Instead of listening for “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen”, you’ll hear “On JimBob, on Buford, on Junior and Tex, on Billy, on Darrell, on Darrel and Rex.”
3. “Ho ho ho” will be replaced by “Yeee Haw!”
4. Instead of the traditional Christmas lights on the sleigh, Bubba has a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off”. It is illuminated by a Chevy logo with red and green lights flashing through the letters.
5. Bubba wears a John Deere cap but no belt, so the ladies may want to turn the other way when he bends to put presents under the tree.
6. Instead of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, radio stations all across Dixie will be playing “Here Comes Bubba Claus” and “All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six-Pack”.
Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night
