Captain Smithers

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In 1928 Colonel John Rotherhampton arrives in Central Africa to take over command of the King’s African Rifles from retiring Lt. Colonel Peter Defries.

The retiring CO is very pleased to meet his successor and over a cup of tea at the regimental mess is most enthusiastic about the regiment’s adjutant, Captain Harry S Smithers. The old CO so extols the virtues and soldierly prowess of Capt. Smithers that the new CO decides that he must simply meet this man. A sentry is sent to invite Smithers to a spot of afternoon tea.

When Smithers arrives the new CO is surprised to see that the man he thought was a man’s man was in fact about four feet tall, completely bald, had absolutely no teeth and his uniform looked five sizes too big for him.

The old CO says, “Go on Smithers tell the Colonel about yourself.”

Smithers — Well sir, I graduated from Oxford with a first in Law, graduated as Dux of officer training at Sandhurst, was British Empire champion shot from 1919 to 1923, won a silver medal in middleweight boxing at the 1924 Olympics and …”

The old Co cut in, “Bugger all that Smithers, just get to the part where you told the local witch doctor to fuck off…”