Birthday Jokes

A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them each one wish.

The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and BOOM! The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Then it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, “Well, I’d like to have a wife 30 years younger than I.” The fairy godmother picked up her wand and BOOM! He was now 90.

A preacher buys his son a toy airplane for his birthday. They put the plane together and took it out for a test fly. The little boy threw the plane up, it hit the ground, and was smashed into little pieces. The little boy turned to his father with a face of red and says, “I’ll be damned!”

His father, being a preacher says, “Son, don’t curse, when things go wrong, say Jesus”.

So the little boy took his father’s advice and said Jesus. The plane came back together just like it was never broken and the little boy’s father says, “Well I’ll be damned”!

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.”

Christmas came around, and Johnny asked: “Dad, can I get the bike now?”

The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time.”

A week late the father saw Johnny walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.

“Where are you going Johnny?” the father asked.

“Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said, ‘Wait, I am coming too!’ and DAMN if I’ll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”

Last Saturday night to celebrate my birthday, my sister-in-law phoned a few of my friends and took me to a male strip club. I have to admit, some of these guys are quite attractive.

To get the evening moving, my sister-in-law Angela started waving a ten-dollar bill, and a male dancer came right up to us. She licked the bill and stuck it on his butt, and this guy started gyrating right in her face. My friend Jane was getting pretty turned on so she took out a fifty, licked it a slapped it on his other butt cheek.

Everyone was looking at me, waiting to see what I’d do.
I was really embarassed because all I had was my bank ATM card. I swiped it down his buttcrack, grabbed the sixty bucks and went home.

When three-year-old opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

The Mother was not so pleased. She turned to Grandmom and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how WE used to drive you crazy with water guns?”

Grandmom smiled and then replied, “I do remember, why do you think I bought it?”