Birthday Jokes

A man wanted to give his wife a pet for her birthday so he went into a pet store and asked for something different. Then he saw something really different: a skunk. Well, he bought it and gave it to his wife. She looked at her husband and said, “Are you crazy? What do you think I am going to do with this?”

Becoming mad that she didn’t like his gift to her, he replied, “I don’t care, grow yourself a damn coat.”

She asked, “Where do you think I can keep it?”

“Put him in our bedroom.”

She said, “What about the smell?”

He said, “Let the the dawm thing get used to it the same way I had to!”

Jerry had heard a family rumor that his father, grandfather and even his great-grandfather had all “walked on water” on their 21st birthdays.

So, on his 21st birthday, he and his good friend, Brian, headed out to the lake. “If THEY could do it, so can I!” Jerry told Brian.

Jerry and Brian arrived at the lake and rented a boat. They paddled out to the middle. Jerry stepped off the side of the boat…and almost drowned!

Furious, he had Brian drive him back to the family farm, and he asked his grandmother why HE hadn’t been blessed with the same “gift” as the other men in his family.

Grandmother took Jerry by the hands, looked into his eyes, and said, “Dear, that’s because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July.

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. “Sir, what is the secret for your long life?”

The man considered this for a moment, then replied, “Every day at 9 p.m. I have a glass of port. Good for the heart, I’ve heard.”

The reporter replied, “That’s ALL?”

The man smiled, “That, and canceling my voyage on the Titanic.”

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.

Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!

The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes
of laughing and whipping his eyes, the doctor said:

“I’m just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a gynecologist!”

There is a father who is very proud of his son because he is turning 21.

There is only one thing wrong. The son is just a head. No torso, no arms, no legs, just a head.

His father brings his son to a bar on the night of his 21st birthday.

The father is just gleaming with pride and so he orders a beer for his son. His son drinks up, and poof, magically he has arms.

The father, the son, and the rest of the people in the bar are just amazed. He takes another sip, and poof, now he has a torso. His father cheers him on, telling him to take another sip.

So the son takes another sip and he all of the sudden has an entire body. The father is so proud.

He starts to cry.
The son is kind of disoriented and he staggers out of the bar. He then walks into the middle of the road and is hit and killed by a taxi.

The father just starts crying again. The bartender turns and says to the father, “Boy, he should have quit while he was a head.”