Birthday Jokes

For his wife’s birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:

“You are not getting older,
You are getting better.”

When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.”

It wasn’t until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:

“YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM.”

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something ‘practical’ for her birthday.

“Suppose we open a savings account for you?” mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.

“It’s your account, Darling,” mother said as they arrived at the bank, “so you fill out the application.”

Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for ‘Name of your former bank.’ After a slight hesitation, she put down, ‘Piggy.’

Little Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

“Did you get that for your birthday?” he asked.

“Nope,” Jimmy replied.

“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Little Johnny asked.

“Nope.”

“You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“No,” said Jimmy. “I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they were ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.”

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Little Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily, “What do you want now?”

“I wanna watch,” Little Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, “Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet then.”

Upon reaching her 18th birthday, a girl paid her divorced father a visit to receive her gift. After giving his only child the gift, the man handed her a check and told her, “Give this check to your mother. Tell her that this is the last check she will receive from me for child support as you are now 18 years old. Then tell me how that old witch will react to the news.”

When the girl handed the check to her mother and told her what her father had said, the mother smiled and said, “Well, the next time you pay your father a visit, tell him that you are not really his daughter. Then tell me how the old goat will react to the news.”

we recently had a birthday party for my son.
He just turned 10.
You know, that first boy/girl party.
So the kids played post office.
It was horrible… 4 kids were shot.