Blonde Jokes

How come blondes don’t eat very many bananas?

A: Because they can’t find the zipper.

There was once a blonde who bought a VW bug. She was driving along, and she ran over a speed bump,and immediately after she heard a huge bang and her car broke down.

The blonde then got out of her car and opened the hood, where she thought the engine should be. To her surprise it was gone. Thinking the engine had fallen out she started walking back. On her way she met another blonde, in an identical VW bug. The second blonde pulled over, and asked the first blonde what the problem was.

The first blonde replied, “My car hit a bump, and the engine fell out, so I’m going back to find it.”

The second blonde got very excited. She exclaimed, “Well, there isn’t problem then, because I just happen to have a spare engine in my trunk!”

A new blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”

“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”

“No, Mother,” the young woman laments. “I bought a frozen turkey loaf, and he yelled at about the price.”

“Well, that surely is being miserly,” the mother agreed. “Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.”

“No, Mother, it wasn’t the price of the turkey roll. It was the airplane ticket.”

“Airplane ticket?…What did you need an airplane ticket for?”

“Well, Mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back, and it said ‘PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,’ so I flew to Alaska.”

A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. She goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies her ticket number. The blonde says, “I want my $20 million.”

The man replied, “No, mam. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”

The blonde said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day andthe rest during the next 19 years.

The blonde, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!”

Dave Hansen buys some camping gear at Wal-Mart, places his purchases on the checkout counter, and offers his new Visa card to the pretty blonde clerk.

She dilligently inspects the card and says “I’m sorry, Sir, you haven’t signed your card. I can’t accept it until it’s signed.”

Dave takes out his pen, signs the card, and returns it to the pretty blonde ‘associate’. She smiles cheerfully, rings up the sale, and passes the Visa slip to Dave for his signature. Dave signs the slip and hands it back.

The blonde compares the two signatures, and satisfied that they are the same, says, “We have to be so careful these days. Have a nice day, Mr. Hansen.”