Blonde Jokes

Just Shoot Me!

Posted in Blonde, Medical
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5)
Loading ... Loading ...

A blonde walks into the emergency room with a bullet embedded in her left hand.

When asked by the doctor how she got shot in the hand, the blonde confesses, “I was feeling so depressed that I decided to kill myself. So I took a gun and placed it inside my mouth. Then I changed my mind because I did not want to ruin any expensive dental work. I decided to shoot myself in the heart. But then I just had an expensive bust job and I didn’t want to ruin that too. So I placed the gun to my right ear but since the blast from the gun would be too loud, I placed my left hand over my right ear and then pulled the trigger.”


Chicken Analysis

Posted in Blonde
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 2.67 out of 5)
Loading ... Loading ...

It was autumn, and time for the blonde farmer to go over his books. To his puzzlement, he found that his flock of Rhode Island Reds was twice as profitable, in terms of eggs they produced, as was his flock of White Leghorns.

“Look at this, he said to his wife. “I’ve gone over the numbers again and again, and there’s no doubt about it: the Reds are laying twice as many eggs and bringing in twice the money of the Whites. I just don’t understand it.”

“I’ll tell you something else,” said his equally blonde wife, running a finger over the figures in her husband’s spreadsheet. “It looks like the Reds are eating twice as much as the Whites, too. Maybe that’s why they’re producing twice as many eggs.”

“By golly, you’re right,” said the farmer. Stymied, he went to bed that night, making a mental note to call an expert the next day.

He spent the following morning on the phone, calling the best poultry experts all over the country, but none could offer a satisfactory explanation as to why a flock of Rhode Island Reds would eat twice as much or produce twice as many eggs as a flock of White Leghorns.

On the verge of giving up, the farmer realized he had wasted a whole morning on the phone, when he should have been out tending his chickens. He hurried out to the huge hen house, where he ran into Jeb, the young farmhand.

“Get up late this morning?” asked Jeb.

The farmer explained, as he had at least twenty times already that day, about the mystery of the chickens, and how he had sought expert advice, to no avail.

Jeb listened, and when the farmer was done talking, said, “Boss, I think I can tell you why the Reds are eating twice as much and laying twice as many eggs as the Whites.”

The blonde farmer smirked, “Oh, really, Jeb? And why would that be?”

“Well, Boss,” said Jeb, “you own twice as many Reds as Whites.”


Related jokes
  •  votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5blonde legs
  •  votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5upside down Blondes
  • 1 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 5Blonde and VW

  • Self-Service Gas Station

    Posted in Blonde
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 2 out of 5)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    I have a blonde friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was gone.

    Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn’t find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.

    Sure enough, he hadn’t been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.

    “Great!” he thought. “I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one’s even better because it locks . . .”


    Related jokes
  • 1 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 5Blonds
  •  votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5turtle
  •  votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5Vacuum

  • Breaststroke

    Posted in Blonde
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Red Head and they had a competition to swim breaststroke across the English Channel. So off they went.

    15 hours later the Brunette and the Red Head got out of the water. 5 hours later the Blonde got out of the water. ‘I want to protest. I want a judge,’ she screamed

    ‘What for,’ they asked.

    ‘You two used your arms.’


    Related jokes
  • 1 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 5the blonde family
  •  votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5Blonde and hockey player
  •  votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5pimple on a blond

  • New Mercedes

    Posted in Blonde
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little Christmas shopping with Jan, his regular saleswoman.

    Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his browsing.

    Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “OSCAR! OSCAR! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”

    “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”

    “No,” she said, “but I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”


    Related jokes
  • 1 votes, average: 5 out of 51 votes, average: 5 out of 51 votes, average: 5 out of 51 votes, average: 5 out of 51 votes, average: 5 out of 5Biology Lesson
  • 1 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 51 votes, average: 1 out of 5Da Blonde and Da Ol' VW Bug
  •  votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5 votes, average: 0 out of 5suspense