Christian Jokes

10. Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life.

9. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye.

8. Her Body Couldn’t Keep You Off My Mind.

7. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.

6. I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life.

5. How Can A Whiskey That’s 6 Years Old Whup A Man That’s 33?

4. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

3. How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I’ve Been A Liar All My Life?

2. I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

1. I’m Not Parton With Dolly

A missionary gets sent into the deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!

One day the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.

“You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what has been going on!”

The missionary replies: “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurance - what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black sheep. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief pauses for a moment then says “Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white child.”

Jesus and St. Peter were teeing it up in front of a 250 yard carry over a lake.

St. Peter asked Jesus what club he was going to use. Jesus replied, “A 1 Iron.”

St. Peter said, “Only Tiger Woods can hit a 1 Iron that far.”

Ignoring the advice, Jesus hits 3 balls in the water and starts walking on the water to retrieve his balls.

About that time a foursome behind them comes up on the tee, and one golfer shouts, “Jesus Christ, who does that guy think he is!”

St. Peter replies, “Tiger Woods”

Three men were coming out of an interfaith meeting at their local convention center. One of the men was a Jew, one was a Catholic, and one was a Mormon. They began talking about their respective families and the Jewish man said with smug pride, “I have four sons, one more and I can form my own basketball team.”

The Catholic man, not to be outdone, boasted, “Well, my wife and I have been blessed with ten sons. One more boy and we will start our own football team.”

With this the Mormon gave a smug smile and quietly said, “I’ve got you both beat…I have seventeen wives, one more and I have my own golf course.”

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for new arrivals. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?”

“Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?”

“Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven.”

“Sounds easy enough. OK.” So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.

The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. He peered at the old man and asked, “What was it you did for a living?”

The old man replied, “I was a carpenter.”

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. “Did you have any family?” he asked.

“Yes, I had a son, but I lost him.”

Jesus leaned forward some more. “You lost our son? Can you tell me about him?”

“Well, he had holes in his hands and feet.”

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, “Father?”

The old man leaned forward, too, and whispered, “Pinocchio?”