Christian Jokes

Jesus is wandering around Jerusalem when he decides he really needs a new robe. After looking around, he sees a sign for ‘Finkelstein, the Tailor.’

He goes in and Finkelstein prepares a new robe for him, which is a perfect fit.

When Jesus asks how much he owes, Finkelstein brushes him off:
“No, no, no, for the Son of God? There’s no charge! However, may I ask a small favor? Maybe whenever you give a sermon you could just mention a little something
about how your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein the Tailor.”

Jesus readily agrees and, as promised, plugs Finkelstein’s robes every time he preaches.

Some months later, he is walking through Jerusalem and happens by Finkelstein’s shop. There is a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes. He pushes his way through the crowd to speak to Finkelstein.

“Jesus, Jesus, look what a marvel you’ve been for business,” gushed Finkelstein. “Would you consider a partnership?”

“Sure, sure,” replies Jesus. “‘Jesus & Finkelstein’ it is.”

“Uh, no, no,” says Finkelstein. “‘Finkelstein & Jesus.’ After all, I am the craftsman.”

The two of them debated this for some time. Their discussion was long, spirited, but ultimately fruitful. Finally, they come up with a mutually acceptable compromise.

A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s shop…

“LORD & TAILOR”

Nancy was Catholic, but her fiance, Chris, was not. Since my friends were planning to be married in the Catholic Church, Chris made sure to listen carefully throughout their prenuptial sessions.

At one meeting, the priest turned to Chris and told him, “Since you are not Catholic, we shall have the ceremony without Eucharist.”

Later that day, Chris was noticeably upset, so Nancy asked him what was wrong.

“I don’t understand, he said. “How can we have the ceremony without ME?”

yo momma so damn dumb she lit a match to see if she blew out all the candles on her birthday cake.

yo momma so damn dumb she tried to change the channel on a T.V. dinner.

yo momma so damn dumb she thought the Last Supper was when Jesus ran out of food stamps.

Q: Why could Jesus not have been born in Washington?

A: There had to be three wise men and a virgin.

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers’ deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. “I have only one condition,” he said. “At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.”

The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check. The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back.

“He was an evil man,” he said. “He cheated on his wife and abused his family.”

After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded….. “But compared to his brother, he was a saint.”