Christian Jokes

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives.

Two fellows, who had been rivals all their lives, followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, and the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the airport.

The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, “OH, SKYCAP, FROM WHAT PIER IS THE FLIGHT TO DALLAS LEAVING?”

The Admiral approached, bowed, and said, “Pier 7, Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition?”

Jesus loves you, but everybody eles thinks your an asshole.

One evening a guy broke into a house and began to burglarize it. He started to unhook the t.v when he heard “Jesus is watching you.” He looked around and no one was there. He started to unhook the stero and again heard “Jesus is watching you.” When he turned the corner he saw a parrot. He asked, “Are you the one saying Jesus is watching you?” The parrot answered “yes.” Then he asked the parrot what his name was, and the parrot said, “Opollo.” The robber then asked, “What kind of stupid person would name there bird Opollo?” “The same stupid person that named there rottweiler Jesus” replied the parrot.

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic woman croned, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he’s called ‘Your Eminence’.”

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the other three give her this subtle “Well…?”

“Look,” so she says, “My son is 6′2″, he has broad square
shoulders; he’s terribly handsome and dresses very well. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, ‘Oh my God…’.”

The other day I went into the local religious book store where I saw a “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who loved Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out his window and yelled, “Jesus Christ!” as loud as he could. It was like a football game, with his shouting, “Go! Jesus Christ, GO!” Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and smiled to all those loving people.

There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about “sunny beach” and I saw him waving in a funny way with his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

Several cars behind, a very nice large man stepped out of his car yelling something. I couldn’t hear him very well, but it sounded like “mother trucker” or mother from there. Maybe he was from Florida too. He must really love the Lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed the light had changed to yellow and I stepped on the gas. It was a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection.

I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign and I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful people.