Christian Jokes

One day God, Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf. Jesus and Moses have both hit respectable 250+ yard drives on a par 4 with abundant water hazards.

God takes his hit; lots of power in the stroke but he hooks badly, and the ball soars toward a deep pond. As it hits the surface, a trout rises beneath it to take a fly; the ball bounces off its head and deflects into the rough. A rabbit which was grazing peacefully there sees the ball land beside him, picks it up in his mouth and scampers off along the fairway. An eagle cruising above spots the bunny and after a steep power dive with talons flashing seizes the rabbit, and the unfortunate rodent is carried aloft. The eagle flies a perfect course towards the green, and just before it reaches the hole the heavens part and a bolt of lightning strikes the bird. The shock causes it to drop the rabbit, which lands on the green two feet from the pin. Stunned by the impact of the ground breaking his fall, the rabbit opens his mouth, the ball rolls out and trickles into the cup for a hole in one.

And Jesus says, “Aw dad, it’s only a game!”

An atheist complained to a friend, “Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays, too. EVERY religion has it holidays. But we atheists,” he said, “have no recognized national holidays. It’s an unfair discrimination.”

His friend replied, “Well,…Why don’t you celebrate April 1?”

A Church of England vicar and a Methodist minister have been having a friendly meeting at the residence of a Catholic priest. As they start to think about leaving, the priest offered them a whisky to help them on their way.

“Don’t mind if I do, thanks,” says the vicar, and is given an ample glassful. “And yourself?” says the priest to the Methodist minister. “What? Drink alcohol?” says the minister aghast. “Why, I’d rather commit adultery!!” At this the vicar spits his whisky back into his glass: “Wahoa! … I never realized there was a choice …”

Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center of the pond and kid of just rests on top of the water. Jesus casually walks out on top of the water and chips the ball right up onto the green.

The, the third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a shack close by and rolls down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond.

On the way to the pond, the ball hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad, where it comes quietly to rest. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumps onto the lily pad and snatches the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swoops down, grabs the frog and flies away. As they pass over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball, which bounces right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one!

Moses leans over toward Jesus and whispers, “Do you think your dad would teach me that shot?”

Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in the White House?

A: They couldn’t find three wise men, or a virgin.