Computer Jokes

“I have to tell you the truth,” a young man said to his new girlfriend. “While we’ve been dating, I’ve been secretly seeing a psychiatrist.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the girl told him. “I’ve been secretly seeing a computer programmer and a lawyer.”

Did you know that Bill has new computer??

IT has a 6 inch hard drive and no memory.

The IS department has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) issue. The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:

1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches, keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
4. Substantial hardware cost savings.

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What’s the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-Sketch document?
A: Don’t shake it.

Addendum: Does anyone have any ideas on how much it would cost to install etch-a-sketch on 300 desktops?

Mike Tyson Virus
quits after one byte

The Ellen Degeneres Virus
your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC

Titanic Virus
makes your whole computer go down

Disney Virus
everything in the computer goes Goofy

Prozac Virus
screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t care

Kevorkian Virus
searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them

Oprah Winfrey Virus
your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB

AT&T Virus
every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting

MCI Virus
every 3 minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T Virus

Debbie wasn’t home, and it was getting awfully late. Not knowing any of her girlfriend’s phone numbers, her Mother fired up Debbie’s computer and saw a list of e-mail addresses. She sent a note to each name asking if they knew where her daughter was.

Within twenty minutes, she got back 16 replies, all saying that she wasn’t to worry, that Debbie was spending the night at HER house and was sorry she had neglected to telephone.