Computer Jokes

Why doesn’t Harley-Davidson make computers?

They haven’t figured out a way for it to leak oil.

Men think computers should be referred to as females, just like ships, because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, I’m certainly not going to tell you.”

4. Your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Women think computers should be referred to as male. Here’s why:
1. They have a lot of data, but they are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half or the time, they are the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one, you realize if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. A big power surge will knock them out for the rest of the night.

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other.

A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.

She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time, I was hiding behind my monitor
and quaking, red-faced.

I started to type, “Leave me alone!”

They both jumped back, silenced.

“What the . . . ” the teacher said.

I typed, “I said leave me alone!”

The girl got real upset. “I didn’t do anything to it, I swear!”

It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me: “Don’t touch me!”

Her: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit your keys that hard.”

Me: “Who do you think you are, anyway?!” etc. Finally, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.

After they realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.