Computer Jokes

How can you tell a blonde used your computer?

There is White Out on the screen.

One witch told another witch, “I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker.”

Don’t bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party. He won’t show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they’re all transparent.

You don’t have to worry about Daylight Savings Time at Halloween. The holiday is always on Green Witch Mean Time.

Western Union opened an office in a graveyard so the spooks could send and receive cryptograms.

Vampire pick-up line “What’s your type?”

A vampire joined the police force so he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.

How do canine scavengers in Africa find their way in the dark? They use jackal lanterns.

What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the Laundromat? A washin’ werewolf.

1) Yo mama is so stupid she looks behind her before hitting the backspace key.
2) Yo mama so stupid she put on a bathing suit before surfing the web.
3) Yo mama so ugly the glare screen protects the computer from her.

Carrying the presidential laptop computer, a White House staffer walks into the Oval Office and announces, “Bad news, Mr. President. You’ve got the Melissa Virus.”

An exasperated Clinton curses, gets up from his chair and promptly drops his pants. “Well, don’t just stand there!” Clinton yells. “Get the doctor in here to give me a shot and get it over with. Damn that topless dancer from Jersey!”

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-in. floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

~Author unknown