Computer Jokes

Have you purchased your new Clinton computer?

It comes with a six inch hard drive and no memory.

A computer without Windows is like a chocolate cake without mustard.

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games.

In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”

His son replied, “And when Lincoln was YOUR age, he was President of the United States.”

Grounded!!!!!!!

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.

“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”

God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

Q: What do a blonde and a computer have in common?

A: You don’t appreciate either one till they go down on you.