Ethnic Cultural Jokes

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He inquired of God, “Where were you?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. “Look son, look what I’ve made”.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

God replied, “It’s a planet and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’ve named it Earth and there is a balance between everything on it. For example, there’s North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them that’s going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I’ve put a continent of white people in the north and another one of black people in the south.”

The archangel then said, “And what’s that long white line there?” And God said “Ah - that is New Zealand - the land of the long white cloud and that’s a very special place. That’s going to be the most glorious spot on earth; beautiful. Mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite coast-line. These people here are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found travelling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving. And I’m going to give them this superhuman, undefeatable rugby team which will be blessed with the most talented, and charismatic specimens on the planet, and will be admired and feared by all who come across them.”

Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed: “Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE? You said there was going to be a balance.”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the bunch of loud-mouthed wankers I’m putting next to them.”

A young man goes into a store and asks the clerk for a nice Polish sausage.

The clerk looks at him and asks, “Are you Polish?”.

The young man says “Yes I am, but if I’d asked for an Italian sausage, would you have asked if I was Italian, or if I’d asked for a German sausage, would you have asked if I was German, or if I’d asked for tacos, would you have asked if I was Mexican?”

The clerk seemed a bit embarassed. “Well, no I wouldn’t”, he replied.

“Then why would you ask me if I was Polish just because I asked for a Polish sausage?” said the man.

“Well,” said the clerk, “because this is a hardware store.”

APPLICATION FOR ARKANSAS DRIVERS LICENSE
Last name: __________________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse’s Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name: _______________________
3rd Spouse’s Name: _______________________
Lover’s Name: ____________________________
2nd Lover’s Name: ________________________
Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother’s Name: _______________________
Father’s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Where you keep them firearms:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup:
____________ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:___________________________
Newspapers/magazines you read:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A [_] Teeth?
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man
[_] Other
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don’t know
[_] paved road ?

This just in, the leading killer of all women over 70 whose husbands take Viagra is a HARD ATTACK.

Q: WHAT SEPARATES THE CHEESEHEADS FROM THE SHITHEADS?

A: THE ILLINOIS STATE LINE.