Ethnic Cultural Jokes

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings which gave him all the milk. After five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.

Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it’s cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it’s cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund opened it’s mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite.

There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. “We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves.”

“That’s nothing”, an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.”

Question: How do you blindfold a Chinese person?

Answer: With Dental Floss

A soldier from the Scottish Royal Pipers brought a carefully wrapped package into the dry cleaners.

“Good mornin’, Sergeant”, said the clerk behind the counter. “What can we do for ye today.”

Gingerly undoing the string and the wrapping paper, the sergeant opened the box and carefully removed a used, wet Trojan contraceptive. “I’d like a quotation to have this dry cleaned”, he said.

“Well, Sir, I would have to charge you fifty cents to dry clean it, but you can buy a new package of three for a dollar at the drugstore.”

“I’ll have to let ye know”, said the sergeant.

He returned the next day and said to the clerk, “I explained to the Regiment what ye said and we voted unanimously to have it dry cleaned.”

There was once an English man an Irish man and a Scotsman. One day they were all going for a walk and came across a strange old house. I’ll go in first and have a look said the English man.

He looked inside and saw dollar bill on the table. He went to go and pick it up and heard a voice: “I am the ghost of Aunty Mable and this note stays on the table!” The English man ran out terrified.

So the Irish man tried and he ran out petrified.

Then it was the Scottsman’s turn. He walked in and went to go pick up the note and the ghost said, “I am the ghost of Aunty Mable and this note stays on the table!”

So the Scottsman said, “Well my name is Davy Crocket, and this note stays in me pocket!”

There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

After one month, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together and having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cooking and cleaning for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them “bloody wankers”.
One New Zealand man is having sex with the New Zealand woman, the other Kiwi is searching the island for sheep.
The Irish divided the island into North and South and immediately set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied that at least the English are not getting any.