Ethnic Cultural Jokes

Two Italian men were sitting behind a woman on a bus.
“Emma come first,” one of the men said to the other. “Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Denna two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Denna I come oncea more.”
“You pigs,” the lady yelled. “In this country, we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”
“Hey, coola down, lady,” the one man said. “Imma justs tellun him howa to spella Mississippi.”

Q. How do you sink a Polish sumbmarine?

A. You knock on the door.

Q. How do you stop a Polish tank.

A. You shoot the guy pushing it.

There was this Scottish guy, all dressed up in his kilt etc. sitting in a bar and he was a bit strapped for cash. He was trying to work out how to solve his problem when this guy with a tea towel on his head, a cigar and a moustache came in. He watched the guy order a whole heap of alcohol. Whe the bartender asked him to pay he just said, “Charge it to the Arafat account.” Now after this, several guys who looked the same came in and bought a whole heap of alcohol, charging it to the Arafat account.

Well, the Scotsman had thought long and hard and decided it was worth a try, so he went to the bartender, ordered his alcohol then said charge it to the Arafat account. Well the barman looked at him and said, “Sorry I can’t do that.” The Scotsman was surprised and said, “But you gave it to all those other guys.”

The barman replied, “Well, those guys had a big moustache and a cigar in their mouths.” So the Scotsman promptly whipped up his kilt and said, “Yeah, well so do I!!”

There is a Irish guy, a Chinese guy, a Russian guy, and a American guy. The guys were sitting around one day disscusing what they like about their country.

The Irish guy says that he likes the green grass of Ireland.

The Chinese guy says that he likes the Great Wall of China.

The Russian guy says that he likes the Russian flag.

The American guy says that he likes the Bald Eagle.

All the other guys looked at the American and asked why he liked the Bald Eagle? The American said, “THE BALD EAGLE CAN SHIT ON THE GREEN GRASS, FLY OVER THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA, AND WIPE HIS ASS ON THE RUSSIAN FLAG! “

It was the first day of Grade Three in a new town for Dave. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn’t get past 20.

Dave, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home ahd told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, “That’s because you are from Alabama, son.”

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It’s Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Dave rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening Dave once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, “That’s because you are form Alabama, son.”

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Dave noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly “well endowed”. This confused him. That night he told his dad, “Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger that theirs. Is that because I”m from Alabama?” he asked.

“No son,” explained his Dad, “That’s because you’re 18.”