Funny Stories Jokes

One day these two hunters are walking through the woods when the one turns to his friend and tells him that he has to go take a shit.

About 10-15 minutes go by and his friend is still not back, and while waiting for him up against the tree he spots a deer and shoots it.

While gutting the deer he gets a devilish idea to take a handfull of the deer guts and sneak over to the spot where his friend is shitting. He does just that without his friend seeing him and places the guts underneath him and then sneaks back to where he shot the deer.

About 30-45 more minutes go by and his friend finally comes back from the woods and says, “You’re not going to believe this Jim, I was shitting and I shit so hard that I literally shit my guts out………but with the will of God and these two fingers, I was able to put them all back!!!”

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who I haven’t seen in a long time.”

“That’s a shame,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can dofor you?”

“Yes,” she said, “as I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good-bye, Mother!’ It would make me feel so much better.”

“Sure,” answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Good-bye, Mother!”

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

“How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!”

“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” the clerk replied.

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.

“Joe,” he asked, “which company has the slogan, ‘Come fly the friendly skies’?”

Joe answered with the correct airline.

“Brenda, can you tell us which company has the slogan, ‘Don’t leave home without it’?”

Brenda answered with the correct credit card company with no difficulty.

“Now, John, tell us which company bears the slogan, ‘Just do it!’?”

John answered, “Mom.”

A teacher was grading a test from the day before, and she realized a girl had
copied off her partner’s paper. So she called the girl over and said, “Sue,
why did you copy off Helen’s paper?”

Sue answered, “Why do you say that?”

The teacher answered, “Well, on the firt question Helen answered ‘no,’ and
you did, too.”

Sue said, “So what? That doesn’t prove anything.”

“Well, on the second answer, Helen answered ‘yes,’ and you did, too.”

Sue shrugged and said, “So what?”

“Well, on the third answer, Helen answered ‘I dont know,’” the teacher
continued, “and you put ‘I don’t know, either.’

Two elderly women who were rivals in a social circle met at a party.

“My dear,” said the first woman “Are those real pearls?”

“They are,” replied the second woman.

“Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them,” smiled the first.

The second responded with an even bigger smile, “Yes, but for that, you would need real teeth.”