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Loading ...Two elderly gentleman are sitting on the porch, just rockin’ and taking in the day. First man asks: “Tell me John, I am curious, have you been gettin’ a little on the side?”
John looks a bit puzzled and responds: “To tell you the truth, it’s been so damn long, I didn’t even know they moved it…”
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...A big, nasty biker walked into a bar and shouldered his way into the middle of the bar. After ordering a beer, he yelled in a loud voice, “Everyone on this side of the room is a stupid ass.” No-one moved.
After taking another drink, he again yelled, “Everyone on that side of the room is a damn queer.” Still no-one moved.
Suddenly, he noticed a frail looking guy sneaking across the back of the room, and yelled, “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”
In a very lispy voice, the man replied, “Excuse me, thir, I’m on the wrong thide!”
(1 votes, average: 1 out of 5) Loading ...A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his 20 years of service.
“It didn’t matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I always told those guys exactly where to get off.”
“Wow! You musta been something!” the admiring young soldiers remarked. “What was your job in the service?”
“Elevator operator at the Pentagon.”
(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...There was this truckie talking to his boss about the new truck that had arrived and the boss was telling the truckie to take it to depot 1 which was over the other side of the city, telling the truckie,
“Look mate, this is a brand new truck. I want you to take it over to depot one and if you get into any trouble in the least, call me and I’ll sort it out.”
So off the truckie goes and as fate has it he rings his boss 1 hour later telling him,
“Boss I just ran over this huge pig and it’s stuck under the truck. It came out of nowhere!” The boss got worried and asked if there was anything wrong with the truck. On being told there wasn’t, the boss told the truckie to gut the pig then he would be able to drag it out and chuck it in the bushes. So the truckie did and then called back 15 minutes later saying,
“Yeah boss, I gutted the pig and through it in the bushes …but what the hell do I do with his motorbike?”
(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling out his Visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder and sees the tourist trying to write “Twice a week” into the small space labeled “SEX.”
The official explains, “No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking ‘Male’ or Female’.”
“Doesn’t matter,” the tourist answers.
