Funny Stories Jokes

This came out of the Des Moines Sunday Register….

Here is a little reminder on how important it is to type that e-mail address correctly.

A Wisconsin businessman traveled to Louisiana on a business trip. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port, and sent a short e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her e-mail address:JennJohn@world.net. Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to: JeanJohn@world.net.

Jean Johnson in Duluth was the wife of a preacher who had just passed away, and who had been buried that morning. The preacher’s wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. It read, “Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here!”

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. “I’m about to close,” the surgeon says.

The patient grabs the surgeon’s hand and says, “I’m not going to let you do that! I’ll close my own incision!”

The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, “Suture self.”

One day as I fished on the sea
A mermaid came visiting me
Though just right on top
T’other end was a flop
With no parts to show she was a she.

Two hillbillies are having the lunch special at the local diner when they hear an awful choking sound. They turn around to see a woman turning blue from wolfing down a Possumburger too fast. Jethro says to Wilbur, “Think we oughta help?”

“Yep” says Wilbur, who walks over to the lady and says, “Kin you breathe?” She shakes her head no.

“Kin you talk?” he asks, and again she shakes her head.

With that, he grabs her ankles and flips her upside down, while Wilbur pushes her panties aside and begins licking her butt.

The woman is so shocked, she coughs up the wedged burger and gratefully begins to breathe again.

Jethro pats Wilbur on the back and says, “Ain’t it great how that there Hind Lick Manuver works ever time.”

A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses bothcream and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty.

As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full.

After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, “How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?”

The man says, “Two’s fine.”

She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. “And cream?” she asks.

The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, “You wouldn’t dare!”