Funny Stories Jokes

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store.

She stops to admire the bird.

The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn’t say it again.

When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, “Hey lady.”

She paused and said, “Yes?”

The bird said, “You know.”

A lion was walking in the jungle and met up with a gazelle He jumped in front of it and with a roar asked, “Who is the King of the Jungle?” The gazelle replied, “It is you, my lord.” So the lion strutted away proudly.

Then the lion met up with a monkey. Again with a roar, he asked, “Who is the King of the Jungle?” and the monkey replied, “Oh it is you, my lord.” Again the lion strutted away with pride.

Then the lion met up with an elephant. He jumped in front of it and with a roar asked, “Who is the King of the Jungle?” The elephant grabbed him by the tail, swung him around and into a tree. So the lion said, “If you do not know the answer, you do not have to get upset.”

A man was sleeping his car on the side of the road one night, until he was awakened by a jogger knocking at his window. He unrolled his window and looked at the jogger.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you have the time?” He asked.
The man looked at his watch and replied, “It’s 8:10.”
The jogger thanked him and went on with his jogging. The man rolled his window back up and went back to sleep. A while later, he was awakened by a another jogger.
The man unrolled his window and the jogger asked “Do you have the time?”
The man looked at his watch and replied, “It’s 8:20″
The jogger thanked him and jogged away. The man was angry so he stuck a note on his car that said “I DON’T HAVE THE TIME!”
As the man began to get sleepy, another jogger knocked at his window and said, “Sir, It’s 8:30!”

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened! Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere, a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under my windshield wiper.

Just then the light turned green, and there I was with a deceased bird stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing I could do. It actually worked.

On the upswing, the bird flew off, and here is the crazy part of this story…it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind me. No, it didn’t get caught under the windshield of THAT vehicle, but the car behind me was a police car.

Of course, knowing my luck, immediately his lights went on, and I was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told me he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears. He simply stated: “I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.”