Funny Stories Jokes

A man went in to see a palm reader and she was in a really good mood so he punched her out. Seems he wanted to strike a happy medium.

For every idiot proof system devised,
a new improved idiot will arise to overcome it.

A man mentioned to his landlord that the tenants in the apartment above his were being a bit unruly. “Many a night they stomp on the floor and shout till around midnight.”

When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, “Not really because I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night, anyway.”

I just heard a story on the radio about a 90-year-old lady who decided that buying Christmas presents for all her family and friends had become a bit much. So she wrote out checks for all of them to put in her Christmas cards. She then wrote out her Christmas cards and put, “Buy your own present” after her name and sent them off.

After the Christmas festivities were all over, she found the checks in her desk!

Everyone had got a Christmas card from her with “Buy your own present” written inside, but without the checks!

Types of Farting People

The Vain Person
One who loves the smell of his own farts.

The Amiable Person
One who loves the smell of other people’s farts.

The Proud Person
One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.

The Shy Person
One who releases silent farts then blushes.

The Imprudent Person
One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.

The Unfortunate Person
One who tries hard to fart, but shits instead.

The Scientific Person
One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.

The Nervous Person
One who stops in the middle of a fart.

The Honest Person
One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.

The Dishonest Person
One who farts but blames the dog.

The Foolish Person
One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.

The Thrifty Person
One who always has several farts in reserve.

The Anti-Social Person
One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.

The Strategic Person
One who conceals his farts with loud coughing.

The Sadistic Person
One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.

The Intelligent Person
One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor’s fart, precisely the latest food items consumed.