Funny Stories Jokes

One day Mom was cleaning her son’s room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.

She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it
to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a
word.

She finally asked him, “Well what should we do about this?”

Dad looked at her and said, “Well I don’t think you should
spank him.”

After reading the morning headlines about the recent stock market downturn, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, “Miss Hunter, get my broker!”

The client was impressed until he heard the secretary’s clear voice saying, “Yes, Sir, stock or pawn?”

Cowboy Tex is out on the trail rounding up strays when suddenly his horse rears in terror. Tex draws his six-gun and takes aim at a rattlesnake warming itself in the morning sun.

“Hold on, Tex” says the snake, “Don’t shoot. I’m really a genie, and I’ll grant you three wishes if you don’t kill me.”

Since Tex and his horse are not within the rattlesnake’s striking range, he decides to take the snake’s offer. “OK,” says Tex. Here’s my three wishes…a face as handsome as Clark Gable, a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and genitals like this here stallion.”

“All right, Tex,” says the snake, “By the time you get back to the bunkhouse, your wishes will be granted.”

Tex turns the horse around and gallops all the way back to the bunkhouse. There he heads straight for the mirror to find he is indeed as handsome as Clark Gable, and as trim and muscular as Arnold Schwarzenegger. Eagerly he pulls down his jeans to see his enhanced equipment. As he looks in the mirror, he screams, “Aaaaagh, I was riding the gelding!”

Three boys went fishing by a stream. One of the boys left and was peeking through some nearby bushes. When the other two boys went to see what he was looking at, the little boy ran.

So the two boys looked through the bushes and saw a naked woman swimming.

When the two boys caught up to the first and asked why he ran away, he replied, “My mom told me that if I ever saw a naked woman I would turn to stone…..and part of me started getting hard so I ran!!”

The person in question, a woman in a Porsche, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer.

When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, the woman said, “I bet you’re going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman’s Ball.”

He replied, “No, Highway Patrolmen don’t have balls.”

There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he’d said.

The patrol officer closed his ticket book, got back on his motorcycle and left.