(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...I was puzzled when a friend with a local newspaper remarked: “I think I’ll take a look at who has given up smoking today.”
Thinking that the paper had come up with a novel, human-interest column, I peered over his shoulder, only to find that he was looking at the death notices!
(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...This cowboy wants to go into the calf business but needed a bull to get things started. He calls up his banker and the banker floats him a loan.
Around 6 weeks later, the banker calls the cowboy back and asks him how the bull is performing. Well the cowboy replies that the bull could be a dud and the banker told him to get the vet out there pronto to see if he could the bull to start producing.
Well the banker calls back in another 6 weeks to check up on the old boy. “Has that bull started to work yet?” the banker asks. “He sure has,” replies the cowboy. “He has mounted everything on my place, knocked down the fences all around me and has mounted all the neighbors stock.”
“What did the vet give the bull?” the banker asked.
“I really don’t know,” the cowboy replies. “But it tastes kinda like chocolate.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...A young lady went to a dance, wearing a low-cut, strapless gown. Around her neck, she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain. All night she noticed a young man, staring at her.
In her embarrassment, she held up the airplane and said, “Oh, you like my airplane, huh?”
The young man smiled, mischievously, and said, “No ma’am, I was just admiring the landing field.”
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5) Loading ...During the American Civil War, a particular captured Confederate soldier was a hard man to handle.
Constantly, in his soft drawl, he would say, “Anyway, we beat the hell out of you sniveling Yankee dogs at Fredericksburg.”
The Northern sergeant in charge could not punish the impertinent prisoner as he would have liked because there was a drive on at the time to make sure that prisoners were treated humanely. Finally, however, he could stand it no more.
He marched the prisoner out with a squad of soldiers and said, “Listen, you damned Reb, I don’t care if it means my court-martial, but I’m going to have you shot if you don’t swear allegiance to the United States.”
The prisoner, weighing the murder in the sergeant’s eyes, swore allegiance.
“Now,” said the sergeant, “you did this before witnesses. You’re a loyal American. If I hear any snide remarks about the American Army, you’ll be a traitor. It may be against the articles of war to shoot prisoners, but it’s perfectly all right to shoot traitors.”
The ex-Confederate soldier thought about that for awhile, then he said, “Okay, sergeant, but ain’t it a stinking, filthy shame what them damned rebels did to us Yankees at Fredericksburg?”
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Every March 19, without fail, the swallows come back to Capistrano. Ever wonder why?
Maybe it’s to see the human tourists who, without fail, return to Capistrano every March 19.
