Funny Stories Jokes

Fred’s donkey had been acting weird for a few days, so he decided to take his donkey to the vet.

After a few tests the vet said the donkey had eaten something poisonous. The vet suggested that the donkey would need to have a depository put into his rectum.

Fred, not wanting to show his stupidity, said ok. Not having any idea on what a rectum was, he thought that once he saw this depository, he could figure it out.

The depository was rather large but Fred was determined. He started walking around his donkey observing. He lifted up the donkey’s ears, then he opened the donkey’s mouth, then he lifted up the donkey’s tail.

After about half an hour of repeating this process, he grabbed the donkey by the ears and looked him in the eye and said “If I cant find your rectum in the next 3 minutes I’m gonna shove this thing right up your ass.”

Q: Did you hear about the skinny guy who went to Alaska?

A: He came home a husky fucker.

A man walks into the front door of a tavern, obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, belches, and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink and could not be served additional alcohol at this bar, and would he like a cab to be called for him. The drunk is briefly surprised, then quietly grumbles as he gets off the bar stool and staggers back out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely, but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his intoxication, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, grumbling and shaking his head.

After a few minutes, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and firmly tells the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in anguish, cries out, “MAAAN!! How many bars do you work at?”

Q: Did you hear about the perverted archeologist?

A: He could sniff a tampon and tell you what period it came from.

German playwright and novelist Hermann Sudermann and fellow-dramatist Richard Voss disliked each other. When a dramatists’ guild was founded, their colleagues brought them together to effect a reconciliation, as their names were of importance to the guild.

After much hesitation they were persuaded to shake hands. Voss added, “Herr Sudermann, I wish for your next play the same success as you wish me.”

Sudermann turned to the onlookers: “Did you hear that? There he goes again!”