(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ...Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.
“What’s it for?” one asked.
“I don’t know,” the other replied. “I think you stand on it, and it makes you mad…at least it does that for my Mom and Dad.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...These three guys were walking along the beach, chatting it up, when they hear calls for help from two young women caught in the riptide. The first guy comes running up, screaming “I’ll save you!” He jumps in the water, swims out, and comes back with one arm missing. His friends look stunned, so he explains, “Sharks.”
The second guy, feeling superior, says, “I’ll go save them!” and jumps in. He comes back and he’s missing a leg. Before either friend can say anything, he explains, “Shark got it.”
The third guy just starts laughing at his friends’ misfortune. He jumps in the water, swims out, and comes back with both women. The first two guys are amazed. When asked how he avoided getting eaten by the sharks, he calmly tells them, “Simple. My father was a typewriter salesman.”
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...During the 1957 World Series, Yankee catcher Yogi Berra noticed that Hank Aaron grasped the bat the wrong way.
“Turn it around,” Berra said, “so you can see the trademark.”
But Aaron kept his eye on the pitcher’s mound: “Didn’t come up here to read. Came up here to hit.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...The chicken and the egg were lying in bed. The chicken was lying back, smoking and looking very pleased with himself and the egg was sitting up, arms folded and looking very pissed off.
The egg then says to the chicken:
“Well……I guess we answered THAT question didnt we????”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...One day a man named Olaf walks into the office of a headhunter and says, “I WON A DOB!” The headhunter looks up over the top of his glasses and says, “Excuse me?” Once again the man says, “I WON A DOB!”
“Oh,” the headhunter says. “You want a job, I see…what is it you do?”
The man says, “I’m a Diesel Fitter.”
With this the headhunter turns on his laptop and types vigorously to search his computer files in hopes of landing this man a job as a Diesel Fitter. Within a few minutes the headhunter says, “I think I’ve found a job for you … Can you start work first thing Monday? And is $50K starting pay acceptable?”
Olaf begins to jump up and down with excitement and says…”OH BOY, OH BOY! Dis is great news…I’m goin to sen my broder here.” (Out goes the man)
A few days later another man walks into the office of the same headhunter and says…”I WON A DOB!” The headhunter looks up over the top of his glasses and says, “Excuse me?”
Once again the man say “I WON A DOB!”
“Oh,” the headhunter says. “You must be Olaf’s brother. So, you want a job? What is your occupation?”
The man says…”I’m a Crotch Sore”
“A what?” says the headhunter.
“A Crotch Sore,” exclaims the man.
With this the headhunter turns on his laptop and types the words Crotch Sore to search his corporate files. Within a few minutes the headhunter says, “I’m unable to match your title with a job…I’m so sorry.”
The man became extremely agitated and said, “You got my broder a dob and I’m not leavin’ until you get me one…”
With this the headhunter proceeds to explain to the man the skill sets necessary for being a Diesel Fitter…”You have to have 4 years HS experience, 4 years apprenticeship with a certified diesel fitter or equiv. and the…”
The man interrupted by saying…”NO! NO! NO!…My broder and me worked at a hosiery factery; My dob wuz to sore the crotches in da pantyhoses and I wood give dem to my broder who wood put one arm in one leg and the other arm in the other leg…stretch the pantyhose left to right if the pantyhose was good he would say… DIESEL FITTER!”
