(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
Loading ...My toddler and I were shopping, when a heavily-tattooed man strolled by. My daughter’s eyes grew wide as she said, “I bet HIS mommy took away all HIS markers!”
(5 votes, average: 3.4 out of 5) Loading ...All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
“I should be in charge”, said the brain, “because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen”.
“I should be in charge”, said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me you’d all waste away”.
“I should be in charge”, said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy”.
“I should be in charge”, said the rectum, “because I’m responsible for waste removal”.
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story? You don’t have to be smart or important to be in charge… just an asshole.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...A little girls begins her first day at a new school and the teacher tells her to stand up and tell everyone in the class her name. She stands up, faces the class and says loudly, “Snot Nose Smith!”
“Young lady,” the teacher says impatiently. “This won’t be tolerated in my class, now say you correct name”
“Snot Nose Smith!” She repeats.
“Look here Miss Smith, this is your last chance. Now what is your real name?”
“Snot Nose Smith!”
The teacher finally gets tired of this game and orders her off to the principa’ls office. The little girl heads toward the door then turns around to her brother, “Come on, Fart Face, she ain’t going to believe you either.”
(2 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5) Loading ...A guy goes into a nightclub wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn’t have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the nightclub and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, “Well, OK, I guess you can come in – just don’t start anything.”
(1 votes, average: 1 out of 5) Loading ...Two builders were working on the 48th floor of a skyscraper. One turns to the other and says, ” Damn, I gotta take a piss.” The other guy tells him to go ahead. The first guy says,”hell, we’re on the 48th floor. By the time I get to the ground, I’ll have pissed my pants.”
The second guy looks around and spots a plank about twelve feet long, and gets an idea. He tells the first guy, “Hey, listen. I’ll stick about 4 feet of this board out over the edge. When I get on this end, you walk out to the other end and piss. We’re 48 floors up, and all the piss will dissipate before it hits the ground.”
The first guy agreed, so they took their positions. The first guy was relieving himself, when the phone rang. The second guy forgot what he was doing, and walked away to answer the phone.
Later that day, the police were investigating the death of the first man, and were asking the other workers if they had seen anything. No-one saw anything, but one guy said he thought it had something to do with sex. When the police asked him why he thought that, the man explained, “Well, I was working on the 12th floor. All of a sudden, I heard this man yelling. When I looked out the window, I saw this man come falling past.”
Again, the cops asked him why he thought it had something to do with sex. The man said,”Well, like I said, he came flying past the window. But I saw he had his peter in one hand, the other hand was waving around in the air, and he was yelling,’WHERE’D THAT COCKSUCKER GO ! ! !’”
