Funny Stories Jokes

Why are there no phones in China?

There are so many Wings and Wongs, you might Wing a Wong number.

When you’re having a bad day and people seem thoughtless or inconsiderate, remember………..

It takes 42 muscles to frown,

but only 4 to extend your middle finger

During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.

You are related to more than half the town.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do.

Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic.

You don’t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.

You don’t put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.

There’s a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.

The local gas station sells live bait.

You go to the State Fair for your family vacation.

You get up at 5:30 AM and go down to the coffee shop.

You’re on a first-name basis with the county sheriff.

When little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.

You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.

All your radio-preset buttons are country.

You try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town.

Using the elevator involves a grain truck.

Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman.

You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.

Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.

You know cow pies aren’t made of beef.

You wake up when it’s dark and go to bed when it’s still light.

You listen to “Paul Harvey” every day at noon.

You can tell it’s a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO.

Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.

You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.

You know the code names for everyone on the CB.

You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.

You wear your boots to church.

It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it’s clear across town.

You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of feedlot apart.

The meaning of true love is that you’ll ride in the tractor with him.

You go to Wal-Mart for your Saturday shopping.

Your “main drag” in town is 2 blocks long.

You defend the beauty of being able to see the next town which is 20 miles away.

If you are a female, when you get pregnant, everyone in town will know the name of the father, even if YOU
aren’t all that certain…..

Why do hunters make better lovers??

Because they go DEEP IN THE BUSH, THEY SHOOT MORE THAN ONCE, and THEY ALWAYS EAT WHAT THEY SHOOT…

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

“How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it was printed on the bottom.”