(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...This pedophile was bringing a kid into the woods.
The woods were dark and dreary and full of sounds . The kid got scared and looked up to the man and said, “All these noises and sounds are really scary!”
The guy looks back at the kid and says, “It’s ok for you, but I’ve got to come back this way on my own.”
(2 votes, average: 4 out of 5) Loading ...1. HOTFLASHES
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. NIGHT SWEATS
The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.
3. MOOD SWINGS
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
4. MEMORY LOSS
You write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
5. IRRITABILITY
Your husband chirps, “Hi honey, I’m home.” and you reply, “Well, if it isn’t Ozzie f—-ing Nelson”.
6. SLEEPLESSNESS
The phenobarbitol dose that wiped out the Heaven’s Gate Cult gives you 4 hours of decent rest.
7. FATIGUE
You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.
8. MILD INCONTINENCE
You change your underwear after every sneeze.
9. SUDDEN WEIGHT GAIN
You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.
10. DRYNESS
You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.
11. FEMALE HORMONE DEFICIENCY
You take a sudden interest in “Wrestlemania”.
12. HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY
You’re on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Finishing their shopping at the mall, a couple discovers that their brand-new car was stolen. They file a report at the police station, and a detective drives them back to the parking lot to look for evidence.
To their amazement, the car has been returned and there’s a note in it that says “I apologize for taking your car. My wife was having a baby and I hot-wired your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight’s Shania Twain concert.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attends the concert. But when they return home, they find their house has been ransacked. On the bathroom mirror is another note: “I have to put my kid through college somehow, don’t I?”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Interrupting Duck
Interrupting…
Quack Quack!!
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...1. The teller says, “Welcome to Burger… First State Bank, may I take your order?”
2. Founders: Dowee, Cheetum, and Howe.
3. Interest Rate on loans: 40.99 %
4. Bank run out of double-wide trailer. Which has been blown over FIVE times.
5. Slogan: “We want your money… uh business.”
6. Instead of candy kids get their very own HAPPY pills.
7. All cash deposits go directly into teller’s pants.
8. Valuables safely stored in a Pizza Hut box.
9. After you make a deposit, teller’s high-five each other.
10. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don’t speak English.
