Funny Stories Jokes

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. So he says, “Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.”

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against a loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the managerand disappears into a back office. She finds tha manager and says: “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what the heck is this?”

(Are you ready?)

The bank manager looks back at her and says: “Its a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”

Heavyweight boxer James (Quick) Tillis was a cowboy from Oklahoma when he first arrived in Chicago to start his boxing career. He clearly remembers his first day in the Windy City after his arrival from Tulsa.

“I got off the bus with two cardboard suitcases under my arms in downtown Chicago and stopped in front of the Sears Tower,” Tillis said. “I put the suitcases down, and I looked up at the Tower and I said to myself, I’m going to conquer Chicago.”

“When I looked down, the suitcases were gone.”

White driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.

The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand-painted sign that read, “Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. CAUTION: Do not step on exhaust.”

A very wealthy man went to an auction to realize he was just in time to bid for the next item, a talking parrot.

This man started the bidding at $1,000. He heard a bid for a total of $5,000, and he finally made a bid for $10,000, which was the final bid.

When he came to pick up the parrot, he asked if it could really talk.

The answer was: “Sure, who do you think was bidding against you?”

An armless man walks into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He orders a drink, and when he is served, asks the bartender if he will get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.

The bartender obliges him. He then asks if the bartender will tip the glass to his lips. The bartender does this until the man finishes his drink. After this, he asks the bartender if he will get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender does this and comments that it must be very difficult not to have arms and to have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.

The man says, “Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?” he inquires.

The bartender quickly replies, “The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street.”