Funny Stories Jokes

A farmer decided it was time to take a wife, so he went to the city and found a woman who agreed to marry him. The only problem was she knew absolutely nothing about farming, and told him that. He told her not to worry, he would handle all the farm things.

One day, a few years later, the Farmer told his wife that the next morning he would have to go to town. He told her that the vet was coming over to breed one of the cows, and she would have to show him which one. She told him she couldn’t tell one cow from the other, so the farmer took her down to the barn. Pointing to one of the cows, he told her that was the one. She said she still wouldn’t remember, so the Farmer took a big nail, and hammered it into the beam above the stall.

The next morning, the Farmer left for town. A few hours later, the vet showed up, and said he was there to breed the cow. The wife led him toward the barn, explaining on the way that she couldn’t tell one cow from the other. Arriving in the barn, she pointed to the nail, and said that is the cow. The vet said that was great, but what was the nail for?

To which the wife replied, ” Damn if I know. Maybe that’s where you’re supposed to hang your pants!”

ANSWERS…………………$ .75

ANSWERS REQUIRING THOUGHT…$1.25

CORRECT ANSWERS………….$2.15

POLITE ANSWERS…………..$7.95

DUMB LOOKS ARE STILL FREE

A city gent is walking out of a tube station when a beggar accosts him and asks him for money for some food. The city gent replies:

“Neither a lender nor a borrower be
- William Shakespeare” and walks off.

A few days later the beggar is wandering down a country lane when he sees the same city gent with the hood of his Rolls Royce up. The city gent says:

“I say! Could you give me a push to the nearest garage?”

to which the beggar replies

“Fuck off ! - D. H. Lawrence.” and walks off.

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself and thought, “I don’t fucking think so.”

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.

As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more remark like that, and I’ll do my best to remember how my great-grandfather told me to scalp people like you.