Funny Stories Jokes

Once upon a time, there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said, “Since we’re in this together, why don’t I move over to your side of the cage!”

The female canary replied, “No thanks!!”

So he went back to his side, but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked, “I am sorry I was too forward the first time. Why don’t we get to know each other first?”

To which she replied again, “No thanks!”

Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit, then made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated, “Well, could we at least talk?”

This time she replied, “Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean to you. You see, I just learned that I have a disease called, ‘Chirpies,’ and I hear it is untweetable.”

“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of
his employees.

“Yes, sir,” the new recruit replied.

“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on, “because after you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

A down-on-his-luck artist visits the art gallery where all of his paintings are on display. He sees the art dealer standing in front of the art gallery and accosts the latter, “So how did my paintings do today?”

The art dealer smiles and says, “Well, I got good news and bad news.”

“Well, give me the good news first. I haven’t had such luck these days,” sighs the struggling artist.

“This morning, a gentleman walks in and asks me if it is true that when an artist dies, his paintings will triple in value. I say yes and the gentleman then buys all 20 of your paintings on the spot - no questions asked. He even paid cash up front!”

“Hey, that’s really good news! The best I have heard in years!” shouts the artist joyfully as he does a little jig. He then stops and asks, “What’s the bad news?”

“The gentleman says he’s your doctor.”

One day a man was out dynamite fishing, and on the shore was the game warden watching him.

The warden waited till the fisher came back to shore for a break, and asked the man, “Would you like to go back out fishing tonight?”

“Sure,” the man replied and after an hour or so the two went back out together.

The fisherman lights a stick of dynamite, throws it out it to the water and immediately after, the warden said, “I’m the game warden. You are under arrest for dynamite fishing.”

The man calmly lights a stick of dynamite, hands it to the warden, and says, “You gonna fish or what!?!”

One fine summer day three newfies decided to move to Alberta and find work. The first place they stopped at was Alberta Power and applied for labourer positions. The foreman for Alberta Power asked them if they had ever planted power line poles before to which they replied, “No bye, but we’s be fast learners and quick too.”

So the foreman said, “Alright, show up tomorrow morning and I’ll give you a try.”

The next morning the three newfies showed up at Alberta Power bright and early. The foreman took them out in the country where a bunch of new poles had to be set up, and told them, “I want you three newfies to go down this road and put these poles in, any questions?”

“No bye, us fellers got the idea, we’s be gettin’ right too it.”

Well the foreman came back at the end of the day and asked the three newfies how they had done.

“Bye, we got fifteen of dem’ poles in today.”

The foreman gives them a funny look at them and says, “My regular crew of three Albertans average putting in forty poles a day. What were you doing that you couldn’t even get half of them done?”

“Well bye we’s got good explanation for that. You should see how much of those poles dem fellers left stickin’ out.”