Funny Stories Jokes

To share to whom it may concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an eight-year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that its a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day. I want to return to a time when life was simple.

When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know nad you didn’t care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again.

I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So…here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements.

I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause, “Tag! - You’re it.”

Signed,
An Adult

The Smith’s were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose — how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said, “Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.”

(Warning… to see the incredible genius of this joke, you must ACTUALLY tell it to someone)

Approach person…

“I have a great knock knock joke, but you have to start it.”

Other person…

“Okay. Knock knock.”

You…

“Who´s there?”

Wait through about 10-15 seconds of confused silence and then explode into laughter.

Thursday, as my girlfriend was puttering around in the kitchen, getting ready to cook our turkey, she said to me, “Did you thaw the turkey?”

With a slight grin, I responded by saying, “Yeth. I thaw the turkey thitting in the think. Thee? Why don’t you look for it before athking me if I thaw it? I thee a lot with theeth two eyeth!”

She smacked me with the gravy ladle.

A woman goes into a meat market and asks the butcher why his pork chops are 99 cents a pound, when the guy across the street is selling his for 89 cents?

The butcher says, “Well, then, why don’t you go over there and buy his?”

The lady customer says, “Well, he don’t have any.

The butcher says, “Well, that’s nothing. When I don’t have ANY, I sell mine for only 79 cents!”