Funny Stories Jokes

frans bauwer komt bij de
dokter en zegt tegen hem
ik denk dat ik aids heb
zegt de dokter : dat hoor
ik liever dan je laaste c.d.

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*** Comedy.Com’s Really Loose Translation from Dutch ***
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Frans Bauer comes to the Doctor and says to him.

Doctor, “I think I have AIDS”

The Doctor says, Well that sounds better than your
last Communicable Disease!

A young child was constantly picked on by an older one, who would make him cry. His Mother told him, “The next time he bullies you, hit him as hard as you can!” The younger boy saw the bully in the park the next day, snuck up behind him and hit him in the back of the head, super hard, knocking the bully out cold.

The little kid went home and bragged to his Mother about his success. His Mother said, “Let me see your hand.” Puzzled, the boy extended his hand toward her, for her examination.

After looking it over carefully, she said, “If you hit him as hard as you say you did, I’m surprised you didn’t break your fingers.”

The boy responded, “Heck, Mom, I’m surprised I didn’t break THE BAT!”

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery, just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death! We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”

“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!!!”

A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate.

He goes up to the farmer and says, “Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?”

“Sure”, says the farmer,”come on in.”
The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer “Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want to see her eyeth.”

The farmer has to bend down and pick up the dwarf to show him the mare’s eyes.

“Nith eyeth, nith eyeth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.”

Once again the dwarf wanders around the horse, in turn asking the farmer to pick him up and show him the mare’s ears and exclaiming, “Nith earth, nith earth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.”

The farmer is starting to get pissed off by this stage because the dwarf is quite heavy.

Suddenly the dwarf stops in his tracks and says, “Her twat. her twat, I want to see her twat!”

The farmer, infuriated, pick up the dwarf and drives him head first into the mare’s backside.

He leaves the dwarf’s little legs kicking and wanders off to talk to his mates for a couple of minutes. He then comes back and extracts the dwarf from his predicament, “SCHLOOOOP!”

The dwarf wipes himself down and says. “I think I better wephrase that…I’d like to thee her gallop!”

There was a boy and his Dad were working in his dad’s garden.

His son spotted a butterfly; he then very quickly without warning smashed the butterfly.

His dad saw this and was very angry.

So he told his son that since he didn’t respect the laws
of nature he will have to eat butter for a week.

A few min. later his son spotted a fruitfly. He then, with out thinking, crushed the fruitfly.

His Dad told him he didn’t have any right to smash the fruitfly so he told his son he will have to eat fruit for a week.

About thirty min. later the mom came home with groceries asking them to help her put them away. So they did.

While they were in the kitchen, the mother spotted a cockroach and smashed it.

The kid said, “I wonder what she has to eat for a week.”