Funny Stories Jokes

one day a guy at an insurance company got a request for insurance for a pig.
The guy wanted to know why the pig needed insurance so he went down to the farm to investigate.
when he approched the owner and asked him why, the farmer pointed to the pig with only 3 legs.
The insurance man(lets call him Joe)
asked what happen to the pig.
the farmer(lets call him Billy Bob)
says,”well one time my little daughter got out of her play pen and me and my darlin didnt notice, till a big truck started come down the road! The pig jump over the fence and saved her before she got hit!”
Joe: “well how did the pig loss his leg?”
Billy Bob:”oh .. well one night i was in the barn tending my horses and i dropped the lantern, and the barn started to catch fire, and the pig saved us all before it burned down on top of us!”
Joe:”you still didnt tell me how he lost his leg.”
Billy Bob:” well you cant eat a pig that good all at once!!”

one person says “well, you are what you eat!” as a come back to a remark.
the other person says, “in that case, did you eat a big bowl of ugly? Oh no, you spilled that all over your clothes!”

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.”

She continued, “He is going to try to feel your breasts; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are
going to like that, but don’t let him do that.”

Then the grandmother said, “But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day, she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, “Grandmother, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of HIM and disgraced HIS family!”

A girl came running to her father in tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked her father.

“You gave me some bad financial advice,” she said.

“I did? What did I tell you?”

“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the world, he said. “Surely, there must be some mistake.”

“I don’t think so,” said the girl. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.

If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining.

But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.

If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy.

If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing.

Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely,

The Cat