Gay Jokes

Two straight guys were playing a round of golf when they noticed two gays ahead of them. They decided to have a little fun so they started to aim their shots near where they were playing.

After a couple of balls landed a little too close for comfort the gays decided that the next time a ball lands close to one of them, one of them would fall down and make they were hurt and then they would sue the straight golfers for the injuries.

Sure enough the next shot from one of the straight golfers landed right next to one of the gays, so he fell down and made like he was unconscious.

When the straight golfers got up to them, the one gay started in by saying, ” Hey what kind of idiots are you? You seriously injured my friend and now we’re going to sue you!”

One of the straight guys says to the gay, “Why don’t you suck me.”

At this the gay says to his buddy, “Charlie, get up. They want to settle out of court.”

What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar??

A flame thrower

1.Free drinks.
2.Free dinners.
3.Free movies (you get the point).
4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay.
5.You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay.
6.You know ‘The Truth’ about whether size matters.
7.Speeding ticket? What’s that?
8.New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
9.You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school.
10.If you have sex with someone and don’t call them the next day, you’re not the Devil.
11.Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.
12.If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud.
13.If you’re not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
14.You can sleep your way to the top.
15.You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
16.Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
17.It’s possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
18.No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
19.Brad Pitt.
20.You don’t have to fart to amuse yourself.
21.If you cheat on your spouse, people assume it’s because you’re being emotionally neglected.
22.YOU never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
23.You’ll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clipper.
24.No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
25.If you think the person you’re dating really likes you, you don’t have to break up with them.
26.Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
27.If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
28.You can congratulate your teammate without ever touching her ass.
29.If you have a zit, you can conceal it.
30.You never have to reach down every so often to make sure your privates are still there.
31.If you’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
32.You don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
33.You have the ability to dress yourself.
34.You have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.
35.You can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
36.If you marry someone 20 years younger, you’re aware that you look like an idiot.
37.If you’re wearing cologne, you don’t have to pretend it’s aftershave.
38.You’ll probably never see someone you know while peeing in an alley.
39.You’ll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
40.You can quickly end any fight by crying.
41.Your friends won’t think you’re weird if you ask whether there’s spinach in your teeth.
42.There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
43.You’ve never had a goatee.
44.Gay waiters don’t make you uncomfortable.
45.You’ll never regret piercing your ears.
46.You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
47.You’ll never discover you’ve been duped by a Wonderbra.
48.You don’t have hair on your back.
49.You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
50.You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

One sunny Tuesday afternoon, in a bar in Normandy, France, a Barman notices two guys sitting in the corner leaning on each other. The Barman, feelng a bit homophobic, goes over to these two and says,
“I’m sorry, but we don’t accept gay people in this bar! There is a lovely gay bar down the road if you are interested!”

The couple look angry and one replies,
“I’m sorry to tell you, but we are not gay! We are in fact Siamese twins who are joined at the shoulder!”

The barmen looks aghast, and says,
“I am sooooooo sorry! Let me give you anything you want! I have the best wine cellar in France, take a couple of my finest cases! Free of charge!”

One of the twins replies,

“I’m sorry, but neither me or my brother like wine! We’d just prefer a nice soft drink now and again!”

The barman, a bit disappointed with the twins says,
“Well, you must have come to taste the fabulous French Bistro! Why dont you let me rustle up a fabulous 7 course meal tonight, on me!”

The other twin decides to speak and says,
“I’m sorry, but we don’t like French food that much! We’d just prefer to have fish and chips from our local chippy in Birmingham!”

The barman is a bit worried now, so says to the twins,
“Well, what about France’s amazing scenery? I own ten 15 acre fields, why don’t you have one of them for your own personal use?”

One of the twins reply,
“I’m sorry, but were not the kinda people who go out and savour the countryside. We’d much rather stay in and watch the English footie on a Sunday afternoon!”

So the French barman looks at the pair in disbelief! He says,

“O.K., so you don’t like the French wine, you don’t like the french bistro and you don’t like our countryside! What do you come on holiday in France for?”

The twin on the right says,
“It’s the only chance that my twin brother gets the chance to drive!”

Q. What do you call a gay dentist?

A. A tooth-fairy