Golf Jokes

A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake.

A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake and retrieved his clubs.

He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag — then threw the clubs back into the water.

Barely 20 minutes after teeing off, a woman came into the clubhouse, grimacing in pain.

“What happened?” the club pro asked.

“I got stung by a bee,” she replied.

“Where?”

“Between the first and second holes.”

“Hmmm…” the pro murmured. “Sounds like your stance was a little too wide.”

Q. Ever heard of the Bill Clinton golf ball?

A. It will give you a perfect lie everytime!

One day a man with no tongue approched a threesome on the first tee of a golf course. He handed a card to the men that stated, “I am dumb as I have no tongue. I would like to join your threesome, making it a foursome”.

The first man looked at the card and said, “No problem”.
The second man looked at the card and said, “I have no problem with that”.
The third man looked at the card and exclaimed, ” No Way!! We have been a threesome for years and we don’t need some guy joining us and probably ruining things.”

The dumb man accepted this tirade and waved the threesome on their way. Two holes later a golf ball comes flying throught the air hitting the jerk member of the threesome in the back of the head. The blow knocked him to the ground, stunning him for several seconds. Jumping to his feet he angrily looked back to the see the dumb man on the tee box with four fingers thrust in the air and a grin on his face.

A guy was playing golf at this fancy club, and just as he was about to tee off, a cart drives up. These two guys get out and hand him a note saying, “We are deaf. May we play through?”

The guy says, “Hell, no!” and tees off anyway.

Six shots later, he is on the green about to putt when a ball comes out of nowhere and misses his head by an inch. “What the @%?*¿¿?!” he yells.

The deaf guys drive up and hand him a note. On the note is written, “FORE!”