Golf Jokes

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”

Joe: Why don’t you play golf with Bob anymore?

Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card?

Joe: No, of course not!

Mike: Neither will Bob.

The worst foursome in golf:

Monica Lewinsky
O.J. Simpson
Ted Kennedy
Bill Clinton

1. Monica is a hooker
2. O.J. is a slicer
3. Ted can’t drive over water
4. Bill doesn’t know what hole to play.

One day, two guys take off from work to play a round of golf. The day is going great and the two are having a blast. Finally, the two men approach the 18th hole, only to discover that it is backed up.

The people ahead of them obviously weren’t very good at golf because it was taking forever for them to hit the ball. One guy says to the other, “I am going to to tell them to hurry the hell up.” So he jogs over the hill and heads for the people ahead of them.

Seconds later he comes back and frantically says, “I can’t talk to them. One of them is my girlfriend, and the other is my wife!!!!” The other guy tells him to chill out and that he will go tell them to hurry.

The second guy comes running back and says, “ME TOO!!!”

A man and his wife took a golfing trip up to Minnosota. Neither of them did very good so they decided to go to golf lessons.
The guy went first. The instrunctor told him to grip the clubs like he holds his wifes breasts.

He swings and hits the ball 285 yards down the fairway.
Then its the womans turn. The instructor tells her to hold the club like she holds her husbands penis.

So she swings and hits the ball 15 yards down the fairway. “That was good,” the instructor said, “but this time take the club out of your mouth and try again.”