Golf Jokes

There once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first.

The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman beautiful, she was also a good golfer.

When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that, not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and wine buff.

He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went. Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold. They enjoyed good food, good wine and good conversation.

After the meal, the woman repaid the lawyer with the best oral sex he had ever experienced. The lawyer was so taken by the beauty and skill of this woman and desired her to no end.

He then asked if she would like to play golf the following morning, to which she agreed. Once again they enjoyed a great game of golf, a magnificent evening meal and once more the woman performed sensational oral sex on the lawyer.
This went on for weeks when the lawyer finally said to the woman, “Listen, the golf and the company have been fantastic! But, there are only so many performances a man can take. When are we going to have sexual intercourse?”

“We can’t,” said the woman. “Why not?” came the reply.

“Because I’m a transvestite” replied the woman.

“YOU BITCH!” screamed the lawyer, “……..I CAN’T BELIEVE that you’ve been playing off the LADIES TEE FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS!”

Lee Trevino just finished golfing and went to the 19th hole for a drink. He sits down at the bar next to a rather attractive woman. After a few sips, he looks to the lady and noticing how lovely she is, starts talking to her. Soon, they end up in his hotel room, and are having a rather nice time in bed. After they finish, Lee gets out of bed and walks over to the phone and picks it up.

“Who are you calling?” the lady asks.

Lee responds, “I am calling room service my dear, I thought I would order wine.”

The lady returns, “That’s not what Arnie would do.”

Lee asks, “What would Arnie do?”

The lady responds, “Get back on for another round.”

Lee then hangs up the phone and returns to the lady in bed and they go after it again. About an hour later, Lee gets out of bed again and staggers to the phone and again picks it up.

“Who are you calling now?” she asks.

Lee states, “I am calling room service again, I am hungry.”

The lady says again, “That’s not what Arnie would do.”

Lee asks again, “What would Arnie do?”

She again returns, “He would get back on for another round.”

So Lee puts the phone back down and returns once again to the bed and climbs back in. After another couple of hours, Lee drops from the bed red faced and quite sweaty, crawling to the phone.

After picking it up, she again asks, “Who are you calling this time?”

Lee quickly responds, “I’m calling Arnie….I wanna know what the par is on this hole.”