Heaven Jokes

2 good friends died in car accident and went to heaven. They were 2 good men so God gave them 2 pairs of angel wings so that they can fly around just like others. Before take off, God told them “Do not think of something nasty, if you do, you wings will break off!”.

The 2 friends happily went off to tour heaven. On their way, there was a group of beautiful angels flying near by, one of the friend stared so hard and suddenly his wings broke off. As that guy sadly bent over and picked up his wings, the other friend looked from above, and suddenly his wings broke off too.

There were three guys who all died. When they got to heaven, God told them that in order to get into heaven, they had to ask him a question that he could not answer. If he could answer it, he would go to Hell.

So the first guy, a doctor asked him what is the drug used to finish coronary bypass surgery? God gets the question right and the doctor goes to Hell.

The next guy, a computer programmer, asks God, what is the URL of my website? God knows it and the computer programmer goes to Hell.

Finally the third guy comes up to God and asks him for a chair and an electric drill. Baffled, God hands him the drill and a chair. The guy takes the drill and and drills seven holes in the chair. Then he sits down and farts.

Now he asks, which hole did my fart go through? God points to the third hole and the guy yells, “WRONG, it went through my asshole!!!” and he went to heaven

A man died and went to heaven. At the gate St. Peter was there and he said, “What have you done to enter these gates?”

The man replied, “It was very cold outside just the other day and I gave a bum on the street $.15 for a cup of coffee.”

“Is that all?” St. Peter asked.

“No,” the man said, “Yesterday I gave a lady that had gotten mugged on the street $.10 for the payphone so she could call the police.”

Well St. Peter was thinking for some time and finally he told the man, “You can take your $.25 and go to hell.”

You know you’re in trouble when your standing behind Mother Teresa at the pearly gates and God is sending good people to heaven and bad people to hell. And God says to her, “You know, you should have done more.”

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“Heaven!” they all piped up.

“And what do you have to do to get there?”

They said, “Be dead!”