Irish Jokes

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house. “Would ye look at that, Darby!” said Pat. “What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinnin’ in a house the likes of that place!” They both shook their heads and continued working.

A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. “Did ye see that, Darby?” Pat asked in shock and disbelief. “Is nothin’ holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can’t understand what the world is comin’ to these days. A man of the cloth indulgin’ himself in sins of the flesh. ‘Tis a shame, I tell ye!”

Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the house; looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly sneaking in. “Oh no, Darby, look!” said Pat, removing his cap. “One of the poor girls musta died.”

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You”re in charge of sweeping.”

To the Irishman, he says, “You”re in charge of shoveling.”

And to the Chinese guy, “You”re in charge of supplies.”

He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you gusy to make a dent in that there pile.”

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian, “Why didn”t you sweep any of it?”

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, “I didn”t have a broom. You said the Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared, and I coulda no find him.”

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks why he didn”t do any shoveling. The Scotsman replies, in his heavy brogue, “Aye, ye did, lad. But I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinee in charge of supplies, but I counna fin” him”

The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy….Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells, “SUPPLIES!!!”

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They all are talking about how much there lives suck, and how much the bars in their respective home towns are better.

Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!”

The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink.”

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, “You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!”

“Wow!” say the other two. “That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”

“No,” replies the Polish guy, “but it happened to my wife!”

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his throat to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.

What is a seven course meal to an Irishman?

A six pack and a potato.