Irish Jokes

There were two Irish men and a blonde walking in the jungle and they came across a man who told them they could have any one thing and would be thrown in a hole for ten years with a ten year supply of that one thing. So the first Irish man asked for a ten year supply of Irish whisky and was thrown in a hole. The second Irish man asked for a ten year supply of Irish whisky too and was thrown in a hole. The blonde asked for a ten year supply of cigarettes and was thrown in a hole for ten years.

Ten years later the man came back and let the Irish man out and the Irish man staggered back and forth and fell dead of alcohol poisoning. Then the man let the second Irish man out and he staggered back and forth and fell dead of alcohol poisoning. Then the man let the blonde out and she had a cigarette in her mouth and said, “Can I get a light?”

Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw, a stauch vegetarian, refused to attend a gala testimonial because the bill of fare was a vegetarian menu. He explained: “The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.”

Three men were in a bar getting drunk,an Italian,a German and an Irishman
Well the bartender told them that
if they bought 6 beers they’d get 2 beers free
The Italian jumps up and says thats ridiculous back home at Vinnie’s bar
you buy 4 beers and he’ll give you 2 free beers!
The German stand up and shouts “thats crazy, back home at Wilhelm’s if you buy 2 beers you get 6 beers for free!”
Well the Irishman jumps up and says
“that aint nothin, back home at O’reilly’s if you buy 1 beer you get to drink free for the rest of the night and after yo get wasted they take you out back and everybody has sex with you!”
The German says “really, thats happened to you?”
The Irishman says no it happened to me sister!

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, one to hold the lightbulb the other to drink until the room starts spinning.

Years ago the chaplain of the Notre Dame football team was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportmans-like manner at a recent football game. “I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents.”

“Ahhh that’s a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin’,” the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.

“That’s not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents.”

“Saints preserve us!” the priest said, making another chalk mark.

“There’s more, Father. As I got out of the pileup, I kicked two of the other team’s players in a sensitive area.”

“Oh, goodness me!” the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. “Who in the world were we playin’ when you did these awful things?”

“Southern Methodist.”

“Ah, well,” said the priest, wiping his sleeve, “boys will be boys.”