Irish Jokes

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets.
So, they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying.

The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole vaulting.” The guards let him in without hesitation.

While walking, the Scotsman sees a manhole. He picks up the cover, carries it under his arm to the entrance and says, “McGregor. Scotland. Discus throwing. The guards let him in also.

The Irishman is very frantic, since both his friends are now inside. He walks around the stadium and finds a roll of barbed wire. He picks it up, walks to the entrance and says,
“Murphy. Ireland. Fencing.”

Three Irishmen arrive at the local pet store in county Armagh and buy all the parrots and all the budgerigars in the shop. They stuff the birds into a bag and declare to the shop owner that they are off for an outdoor adventure.

The shop owner is a bit concerned about why the three men would want so many parrots and budgees, so he waits until they are gone and follows them in his car.
The Irishmen drive to a lonely costal spot with very high cliffs. The pet shop owner observes from a distance.

The three Irishmen alight from their car with their bag of birds and one carrying a shotgun.

The first of the Irishmen Grabs a few of the parrots and releases them. With his shotgun he blasts the birds, yells Geronimo and jumps off the cliff.

The second Irishman takes a dozen budgerigars and pins them to his shirt and charges off the edge of the cliff.

The pet shop owner makes his way to the third Irishman, who is standing on the cliff edge looking down and asks, “you not gonna jump as well are ye”?

The Irishman, still looking down says, “Hooly mootha of Goud, I’m not inta daat Parrot-shooting and Budgee jumpin meself, ya know!”