Jewish Jokes

One day a teacher asked her class to think of a sentence that had either the word Jew or Jewish in it.

One little girl raised her hand and after being called upon replied “Hannukah is a Jewish holiday.”

The teacher was pleased with the response and said, “Yes, that’s very good.”

A little boy in the corner raised his hand and announced “Jesus was a Jew.”

The teacher was pleased with the response and said, “Yes, that’s very good.”

Finally, little Amilia raised her hand and said in her spanish accent “I told my sister I could sing like Celine and she said ‘Jewish’”

Researchers at Harvard have discovered why Jewish women love Chinese restaurants.
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“Won ton” spelled backwards is “not now”.

A Jewish man was rather upset because he thought that he had brought his son up right, taught him the faith, and given him a good childhood, but his son grew up and became a Christian.

He took this problem to his Rabbi, and told him all about it. His Rabbi said, “Funny you should come to me about this. You see, I thought that I had brought up my son correctly. I taught him the faith, and sent him to one of the most prominent Jewish schools. He grew up and became a Christian.”

“What did you do?” said the man.
“I took my problem to God,” said the Rabbi.
“Well, what did he say?” the man inquired anxiously.
“He said, ‘Funny you should come to me about this…’”

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons. A passerby asks her how old the boys are.

“The doctor is three,” the mother answers, “and the lawyer is two.”