Jewish Jokes

Three men were coming out of an interfaith meeting at their local convention center. One of the men was a Jew, one was a Catholic, and one was a Mormon. They began talking about their respective families and the Jewish man said with smug pride, “I have four sons, one more and I can form my own basketball team.”

The Catholic man, not to be outdone, boasted, “Well, my wife and I have been blessed with ten sons. One more boy and we will start our own football team.”

With this the Mormon gave a smug smile and quietly said, “I’ve got you both beat…I have seventeen wives, one more and I have my own golf course.”

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Jew are eating dinner at a very expensive restaurant. When the check arrives, the Scotsman says, “I’ll take that.”

The next day’s headlines read, “FAMOUS JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST BEATEN TO DEATH AT FANCY RESTAURANT.”

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time.

The Italian boy’s father presents him with a brand-new pistol.

On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch.

The next day in school, the two boys are showing each other what they got.

It turns out that each boy likes the other’s present better, and so they trade.

That night, when the Italian boy is at home, his father sees him looking at the watch. “Where did you getta thatta watch?” asks the man.

The boy explains that he and Sammy had traded. The father blows his top.

“Whatta you? Stupidda boy? Whatsa matta you? Somma day, you maybe gonna getta married. Then maybe somma day you gonna comma home and finda you wife inna bed with another man…

Whatta you gonna do then? Looka atta you watch and say, ‘How longa you gonna be?’ “

One day a Jewish son came home from college and told his dad that he had converted to Christianity. His father went to his Rabbi and said, “My son went away for awhile and came back a Christian. What shall I do?”

The Rabbi said in reply, “Well, you see, the same thing happened to my son. We shall pray to God and ask what we should do.” So the man and the Rabbi prayed to God.

“God, our sons left home for awhile and came back Christians. What shall we do?”

God said, “Funny you should mention that….”

Like a lot of other religions, Jews are also experiencing a resurgence of their faith.

In fact, one young Jewish girl I know was so very impressed after she had read Exodus, she had her nose changed back.