Lawyer Jokes

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: “That’s Strange!”

One day a lawyer walks into his firm and goes to his friend.
“On the weekend I got a dog for my kids.”said the first lawyer.
“Good trade.” said the other.

A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons. A passerby asks her how old the boys are.

“The doctor is three,” the mother answers, “and the lawyer is two.”

Two kids are talking one day.

One asks the other, “What does your father do?”

“He’s a lawyer.”

“Honest?,” the first asks incredulously

“No, just a regular lawyer.”

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into
a room to meet with his accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf mute and
cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.”

The Godfather says, “Well…ask him where the damn money is” The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you are
talking about.”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know
what you are talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to
the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the damn money is!”

The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know
where it is!”

The accountant signs back, “OK! OK! OK! the money is hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”

The Godfather says, “Well….what did he say?”

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you
don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”